Me and The Boss had so much fun last year getting our Christmas Elf into funny scrapes while the kids slept! We’ve really been looking forward to this year. First, though, Edwinn had to meet Barbie, Edward’s abandoned girlfriend…
The minxes industriously hid their Barbie doll before they went to bed in case Edwinn was jealous. No fear – Barbie’s looking a little jaded and frazzled round the edges nowadays (aren’t we all, dearie?) Still, after a cheeky glass of wine, this pair of allegedly grown-ups thought it would be funny to pose the dolls in silly positions. I described a hostage scenario to The Boss. He thought it would be funny if Barbie had a moustache drawn on her. Suddenly he sniggered, and hauled out from a cupboard a big bag of Action Man bits and pieces he’d found when we’d moved in here, and successfully kept hidden from the girls. Awesome! So Barbie and Edwinn had a shoot-out over the toaster and bread bin while Edward cried on the shelf.
How did the minxes react the next morning? Well, they thought it was funny. They all liked the handlebar moustache. “Oooooo, grip-tape! Feels like Daddy’s stubble!” said Little Miss Astute (Maxi). Midi and Mini scolded their dolls and comforted Edward.
The minxes were a little concerned this morning. I mean, they’ve liked Barbie for years, whereas Edwinn’s new with fewer ties of loyalty and love. They had a little chat together about how to get the dolls to play together. Maxi suggested we grass them up to Santa and that he sort it out. She drafted a snitching letter. Midi wondered if Edward could get them to play together. Mini just wondered if there were any more chocolate oranges where the last one came from?
This time Barbie shoved Edwinn’s head in a can and spanked her, whilst triumphantly wearing Edwinn’s hat as a trophy at a jaunty wee angle. Edward, as usual, was beside himself with grief and sobbed on the wall.
I’m not an evil mother – honest! It’s all part of my Grand Parenting Plan. Well, you didn’t seriously think me and The Boss were doing this because we’re twisted, did you? (Did you…?) I asked the girls how the dolls could get along. What could Edward do about it? Should he do something about it? What would you do if 2 of your friends kept being mean to each other? How could you get them to be friends? What would you do if someone kept being mean to you? And to Mini-I-Only-Have-One-Friend-At-A-Time, I addressed a lot of questions along the lines of whether the world would spontaneously combust if you dared to have 2 friends at the same time…
Even though I’ve got some brilliant ideas for tying up and the dolls almost murdering each other, and I’m just bursting to try them, I honestly think 3 nights of elves beating each other up is enough for my little kids – tonight I guess I’d better hatch The Big Kiss and Make-Up.