Edwinn and Edward’s Trout Tour 2014: Halfway there

We’re halfway through this year’s visit from the elves and inevitably, we’re starting to see tensions building between Edward and Edwinn. Edward’s got previous bad form with Barbie, and again and again. Only this year, he appears to be having more and more fun with New Barbie (as opposed to Old Tatty Barbie). And tonight I think OT Barbie has spotted him with N Barbie. Or rather, Edwinn grassed him up. Oh-oh… I predict fireworks. As an aside, can you tell that this week I’ve wanted the minxes to eat boiled eggs for breakfast, and take bananas and oranges to school for snack? It worked too. There’s no wilier minx than an old minx 😉

Edward and Edwinn: Next Few Days

I realised that I might have been overdoing the elf-and-Barbie-beat-each-other-up thing a teensy-weensy bit at the beginning of the month, so went back to standard, nicey elf pranks for the past few days. But of course, they’re quite boring! So expect this to change very soon (mwahahahaha…!)

5 Dec

Bill Clinton has nothing on Edward, as he brings warring Edwinn and Barbie together.

Bill Clinton has nothing on Edward, as he brings warring Edwinn and Barbie together.

Edward can look as smug as he likes; I can clearly see that Barbie and Edwinn aren’t *actually* holding hands, so this peace agreement may not hold forever. And I’m also ticked-off that those 3 gobbled up my last bittermint before parking their elfy arses on the box. Hmph!

6 Dec

6 Dec Back to standard, innocent elf fun: marshmallow fights. Originally I had them fighting over the toaster, but when I chucked some marshmallows ‘artfully’ about, half of them ended up inside the toaster – fire hazard!! The morning of the Great Reveal, the minxes helped me clear up the mess. Except Midi scooped most of the now-dusty and -hairy marshmallows straight into her gob. Ewwww!

7 Dec

7 Dec aI really loved this idea, so merrily copied it. Note to self for the future: using biros on cheap bog roll means you scratch down 4 or 5 layers at a time…

8 Dec

8 DecMaxi Minx happened to have a little castle she’d made out of cardboard junk knocking around. As luck would have it, Edward fitted inside brilliantly (see him peeping out the left-hand window?) and big ole Edwinn balanced precariously inside. The girls loved this very much and didn’t want to dismantle the fairy lights.

9 Dec

Me and The Boss decided to start to ramp up the anticipation, and had Edward and Edwinn hide in Maxi’s dressing gown pockets. It took the minxes a while to find them. I planted the seeds of “You’re being watched. They might play tricks on *you*!”. We’ll just have to wait and see.

Edward and Edwinn’s First Few Nights

Dec 2

Me and The Boss had so much fun last year getting our Christmas Elf into funny scrapes while the kids slept! We’ve really been looking forward to this year. First, though, Edwinn had to meet Barbie, Edward’s abandoned girlfriend…

The minxes industriously hid their Barbie doll before they went to bed in case Edwinn was jealous. No fear – Barbie’s looking a little jaded and frazzled round the edges nowadays (aren’t we all, dearie?) Still, after a cheeky glass of wine, this pair of allegedly grown-ups thought it would be funny to pose the dolls in silly positions. I described a hostage scenario to The Boss. He thought it would be funny if Barbie had a moustache drawn on her. Suddenly he sniggered, and hauled out from a cupboard a big bag of Action Man bits and pieces he’d found when we’d moved in here, and successfully kept hidden from the girls. Awesome! So Barbie and Edwinn had a shoot-out over the toaster and bread bin while Edward cried on the shelf.

How did the minxes react the next morning? Well, they thought it was funny. They all liked the handlebar moustache. “Oooooo, grip-tape! Feels like Daddy’s stubble!” said Little Miss Astute (Maxi). Midi and Mini scolded their dolls and comforted Edward.

Dec 3

DSC_0181Oooo, dear, it seems Edwinn has shoved Barbie in the box of clementines and is holding her down, while Edward cries. Again. Big wuss.DSC_0179

The minxes were a little concerned this morning. I mean, they’ve liked Barbie for years, whereas Edwinn’s new with fewer ties of loyalty and love. They had a little chat together about how to get the dolls to play together. Maxi suggested we grass them up to Santa and that he sort it out. She drafted a snitching letter. Midi wondered if Edward could get them to play together. Mini just wondered if there were any more chocolate oranges where the last one came from?

Dec 4

This time Barbie shoved Edwinn’s head in a can and spanked her, whilst triumphantly wearing Edwinn’s hat as a trophy at a jaunty wee angle. Edward, as usual, was beside himself with grief and sobbed on the wall.

DSC_0183I’m not an evil mother – honest! It’s all part of my Grand Parenting Plan. Well, you didn’t seriously think me and The Boss were doing this because we’re twisted, did you? (Did you…?) I asked the girls how the dolls could get along. What could Edward do about it? Should he do something about it? What would you do if 2 of your friends kept being mean to each other? How could you get them to be friends? What would you do if someone kept being mean to you? And to Mini-I-Only-Have-One-Friend-At-A-Time, I addressed a lot of questions along the lines of whether the world would spontaneously combust if you dared to have 2 friends at the same time…

Even though I’ve got some brilliant ideas for tying up and the dolls almost murdering each other, and I’m just bursting to try them, I honestly think 3 nights of elves beating each other up is enough for my little kids – tonight I guess I’d better hatch The Big Kiss and Make-Up.

….fnaaaar! 😉