The 2017 Elf Tour – Days 6 – 10

The last week has zoomed by in a flurry of jam-making, jam-labeling and panic shoe-buying – Midi is now suddenly the tallest of the minxes and her beautiful little duck feet are growing like Jack’s beanstalk. She hates her feet because we struggle to get shoes that fit her width-ways and narrow heels. I gave her a wee foot massage to quietly show her that her feet don’t disgust me in the way she seems to view them. Poor kid – she has such pretty feet that are so silky-soft and flexible. (OK, so she can do that crazy rubbing of independent toes thing that is freaky and unnatural, but apart from that!!)

What Midi had originally written on the board

On Day 7, I was inspired by Midi’s chalkboard. She’s taken to writing ‘Fun Facts’ on it that me and her Dad giggle over at night. So we rubbed out that night’s and put an Elf message up instead, and added things like “…on you, ha ha ha!” after the photo was taken. I tell you, though, it took ages for the kids to link the sight of an Elf holding a bit of chalk with anything on a chalkboard…

Day 9 was me and The Boss tidying up. I’d previously made some wrapped branch / twig things as decorations that I liked but never got around to hanging on a wall. In a hurried tidy-up, some of the twigs got snapped off and were left dangling by the yarn. So I went the whole hog and snapped it up. The Boss added the paper flames. The younger minxes were like “OMG Edbie’s destroyed some of Mummy’s work!!” while Maxi just gave us the ‘you are so cracked, you loser’ eye-roll.

The 2017 Elf Tour – First 5 Days

I’ve been a bit distracted the past couple of weeks – I got an unexpected day off work (freelance craft teaching) so instead I decided it would be a hoot to set up an additional small work-at-home business jam-making. Reading, understanding and complying with all the legislation was more than a tad time-consuming… Hooray for the ability to hyper-focus for hours on end, then! (And hooray for getting it set up and the go-ahead from Environmental Health so quickly – this week alone I’ve got an unexpected boiler repair and car electrics breakdown to fund. Meh).

Still, with Mini Minx being only 7 and totally in the Santa and Elf and all-things-magic zone, me and The Boss couldn’t really skimp on Elf antics. None of them took longer than 3 minutes to set up, though, I promise – I’m no high-achiever 😀

Heeeeeee’s Back!

It’s Dec 1, so it’s the Trout Family Tradition that the Elf comes back sometime in the afternoon. This’ll be the 6th year, now. You can read about previous elfy-antics in 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 if you need to catch up on the running story…

So I spent the afternoon trying to find the blasted thing: Edbie, mutant love-child of Barbie and Edward, and nephew of the psychotic Edwinn. Finally found and dusted off, I taped him to the outside of the back door, clutching his wee note from Santa, right before I had to pick up the minxes from school.

See? Takes up pretty much the whole of the window. Blots out the light. See it for miles. You’d think…

They came skittering and skidding home in a desperate rush to find any elf at all. They looked around the usual hiding places from previous years. Nothing. They circled the house (missing the taped-up elf. It’s only bright red and about 14″ tall…). They looked crestfallen and rejected. Mini and Maxi the Eternal Optimists headed off for a bit of sledging, confident that at least one elf would appear before bedtime; Midi mooched around the house with a sad face on.

Taking pity on her, I pointedly sent her to feed Killer Cat because the cat’s food bowl is kept next to the back door. I waited for an excited squeal from Midi when she spotted the elf. Nothing. She hadn’t noticed. Hmph. I got on with making dinner in the kitchen. Maxi came in. I asked her to go change Killer Cat’s water (I never ask her to do that). She did (she never complies with requests like that normally). She didn’t notice the elf. Mini came home. Ah, Mini, my most observant child! I sent her to check on Killer Cat’s kibble. Nothing. She didn’t see it. She came in and moaned about it getting dark and there being no elves. Then she asked where I’d put her schoolbag. “On top of the washing machine”, I lied. She went to the back door and looked, but still didn’t see the elf.

By this stage I was wondering if it had fallen off or gone invisible!

“Muuuuuum, where’s my water bottle?” called Mini.

“I put it right next to the boiler. Right beside the back door!” I yelled back, getting desperate now. Mini went and looked, failed to see the bloody elf one inch from her face, and came back muttering about how forgetful I was.

Clutching at straws, I got all 3 girls to go round the entire house, closing all the blinds and windows. Nope, still nothing. Obviously no red and white detection filters happening there.

I collared Midi and pretty much frog-marched her towards the back door. I distracted her with a little smoke and mirrors – “Midi, there’s something in your room I want to talk to you about”, then paused as we went past the back door, did a comedy double take, then made as if to continue walking towards her room. Of course she followed my gaze (oh, I’m good) and said, “Hang on, Mummy, what’s that on the window?”

Oh hallelujah! At last! I can cancel the emergency appointments for all 3 girls at Specsavers!

She walked right up to the window and let out a scream.

“Edbie! Oh, he’s here! Maxi, Mini, Maxi, Mini, he’s here!!!!”

They ripped off the tape, tore off his muzzle (as I knew they would), *then* read the letter from Santa.

They’ve spent the evening warning Edbie to behave while Maxi’s away at her first Scout camp. I took her into my confidence while I blew-dry her hair about why I was so desperate to get the kids to the back door this evening. We had a right chortle about how difficult it was to get someone, anyone, to spot the elf!

So: Night 1 and it’s Friday and I’m missing my Precious Firstborn and wine is about to be imbibed. How bad will Edbie’s antics be tonight, I wonder…?

Day 23 – Last Night At Long, Long Last

Last night was the last night of the month-long visit and pranks from Edbie the Elf. Thank goodness. S/he’s been more restrained than previous elf visits. I can’t wait for the minxes to grow up a bit so we can all take turns posing silly and much more evil tableaux. I wonder which minx will be the most wicked…?elf on the shelf prank snowmen marshmallows


Day 20 – Aw, Now You’ve Gone Too Far

Last night, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. I don’t even want to know if there’s a film reference for this. If you are at all sensitive or have anything less than a strong stomach and a puerile sense of humour then please don’t read on. Please.

The minxes have talked of the Elf on the Shelf Nutella Incident all month, so it kinda had to happen, really. At least Edbie had the grace to look ashamed.

Yes, me and The Boss nearly bust a gut laughing so hard as we posed it (Nutella in an icing tube. Took 60 seconds). Yes, the minxes squealed and guffawed all morning. Yes, we just went too far. Let’s never talk of this again.





Day 17 is Eggstra Special

We were out visiting relatives all of Saturday night, so I had 30 seconds flat to come up with an Elf prank while the kids were being strapped into their car seats. I went for an oldie and goldie: hide Edbie and a Sharpie marker in the fridge, write rude stuff on the eggs with my left hand, leave his hat on the floor outside the fridge, run away bravely. Done! I think we’ve done variations of this every single year, and it always raises a huge laugh from the kids reading what the elf has written about each sister (I hid those 3 eggs in the photo 🙂 )day-17